| | I've been inclined to write lately -tried by failed- but momentum hasn't really brought me through. Even now, all I want is sleep, but I feel like disproving abstract ideas that I've given up all updating. No, I haven't. There have just grown wider gaps.
Shucks.
I began to type out updates on these last few weeks... but I stopped and backed up when I saw that it was all coming out quite calculated, like a incident report. It's been busy, I admit. Plenty I could talk about. About awesome times at CYT camps, figuring out how to keep up with and work with Privila, starting part-time at the CYT warehouse building sets with a fella named Mark, thinking about some college in the fall. Listing it all off seems to sum it up, but I'm not allowed to divide, and so the bland facts aren't really what I want to write about. They're not everything.
There are certain people... you just keep coming back to.
I humbled when I am made still. As thrilling as this summer has been, I'm finding a lot can been said for how much I'm learning from others. Little discoveries about people, my close friends, and some older and wise, getting to know ourselves through each others eyes. Simply, mind you, and still, at the end of most days as I think of my interactions... I derive a conclusion of how much I still have to go through. I'm so often being challenged by what is made clear by others, but only reveled by God.
What do I even have to say then.
Who am I writing to?
I have to ask. I don't know. Quite.
Who are you?
I have this this all-strings instrumental cover of "Such Great Heights" (by "the section quartet") and I put it on a CD that I play upstairs in my room. Once I was showing it to my mom downstairs... when suddenly and unintentionally the music synced with itself, yet at different points in the song in these two different rooms. So I sat on the steps and listened to music wrap around my whole house, up and down. But even apart from this glorious irony... I enjoy the music that's around me.
This is the moment.
There was this small child who smiled at me through the traffic and the car windows. There was a girl who smiled in the coffee shop. There were fireworks. There's a lot to be said and no rights by which to say it. At one time, I laughed so hard that I could have forgotten I was really where I was. There are new scarfs in my closet.
Maybe I consider that life... is more than who we are.
That people don't stop existing when I don't see them around.
I'm pretty selfish, I've needed to admit that to myself, and it's still taking a humiliating amount of time to let love run free. I consider He's still washing my feet. I consider doing the same. That's what it means.
wrap my arms
around your name
feel your breath
against my pain
as i breathe out the past is gone
empty smile
naked heart
who I was
falls apart
when you're here inside of me
feel till you're numb
depth perception becoming
the new deaf & dumb
I'm losing myself just to find a place
in your mind
in your mind
changing myself just to stand along
in your eyes
in your eyes
pull me in
take me out
make me over
read the wave
ride your fears
in this ocean of years
we've been here, swimming on
take me deep
till I find
every corner of your mind
we've been here, swimming on
touch till you taste
all the time we are wasting
alone, waiting here
I'm losing myself just to find a place
in your mind
in your mind
changing myself just to stand along
in your eyes
in your eyes
pull me in
take me out
make me over and shout me out loud
shout me out loud
I'm losing myself just to find a place
in your mind
in your mind
changing myself just to stand along
in your eyes
in your eyes
pull me in
take me out
make me over
Looking past the horizon.
Did you know that any shadow can be threatened by even the smallest flicker of light?
Haha, I'm thinking to myself how crazy I end up sounding when I write like this... how easy it is for me to dish, how tedious it must be for you to dash. And yet a bit of vulnerability must count as some kind of value, but I've probably got layers and layers of facade. The self-conscientiousnesses I bare before you on such nights is to me like a stack of unread books, because I have no idea so no way you could possibly... well, I do wish I had more clarity, but it's just not mine. Not to me, not my sanctity.
I'm meeting the end of my night. I'll probably sleep in, but I don't want to for too long you know.
Well, cheers to my friends. Believe in great heights.
-Kevin
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| | Posted 7/14/2007 2:46 AM - 40 Views - 2 eProps - 1 Comment
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